There is an old saying "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." African-American women should keep this in mind when they bemoan the dearth of marriageable African-American men. Instead of whining about how "our men" are abandoning us in order to marry white women, we would do well to follow their example. As an African-American woman, I get annoyed with other African-American women who complain every time they see an African-American man with a white woman. "Why can't they leave our men alone?" "He's only with her because she's white," are some of the comments I've heard on this subject. In the past, I held my tongue and shrugged these comments off, but no more. From now on, I'm going to respond: "What difference does it make why he's with a white woman? All that matters is that he isn't with you."

Berating African-American men who chose non-black partners isn't going to solve the marriage squeeze many African-American women face since interracial marriage isn't causing it. Several other factors working together are behind the marriage squeeze. In many ways it is a numbers game. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that in 1998 there were 7,100,000 black women between the ages of 20-44 (the period when most people marry and have children) in the U.S. compared to 6,439,000 black men in the same age group. Even if every African-American man agreed to marry an African-American woman there still wouldn't be enough of them to go around. This is exacerbated by the fact that many of these 6,439,000 black men are already married. Others are gay, incarcerated, unemployed or have substance abuse problems.

Given the above facts, the obvious solution for African-American women who want to get married but haven't had much luck with African-American men is for them to look outside the African-American community for potential husbands. However, African-American women are very reluctant to do this. In fact, we are the least likely group of Americans to marry outside their race or ethnic group. A whopping 98.9% of married African-American women are married to African-American men. In contrast, only 83.1% of married Mexican-American women were married to Mexican-American men.

Why are African-American women so reluctant to marry non-black men? Our collective history accounts for some of our reluctance. Historically while European-American men have pursued sexual liaisons with African-American women, they have rarely married us. Miscegenation laws in many states made such marriages illegal. Even where interracial marriages weren't illegal, African-American women's low social status meant that European-American men risked social ostracism if they married us. However, attitudes have changed though American society still has a long ways to go. Today one in five European-Americans would seriously consider marrying across the color line. According to the Census Bureau, there were an estimated 109,489,000 white men living in the U.S. in 1998. Even if only one in ten would seriously consider marrying an African-American woman this would result in over 10,000,000 more potential husbands for us. And this doesn't take into account Asian American and Latino men.

Misguided racial loyalty prevents many African-American women from dating or marrying non-black men. However, contrary to popular opinion, interracial marriage is usually a good thing for both spouses as well as their respective communities. As Harvard sociologist Orlando Patterson explains:

When we marry, we engage in an exchange of social and cultural dowries potentially far more valuable than gold-rimmed china. The cultural capital exchanged in ethnic intermarriage is considerably greater than that within ethnic groups…Intermarriage not only promotes the interests of the individuals involved but encourages cultural and business innovation… Afro-Americans, however, have been almost completely isolated from this national process…The main intent and effect of segregation has been to deny Afro-Americans access to the nation's rich marital market…