As I prepare to get married this December, I have found myself surrounded by curious people wondering whether or not I am feeling anxious. As each week passes, it seems that more and more people ask me if I am getting nervous regarding my upcoming nuptials. I discussed this fad with my fiancé and he said that he was experiencing the same line of questioning from people as well. We joked about the experience together saying that we were feeling just fine until everyone else started making a grand deal about how nervous we will be before getting married.

My pre-wedding interrogations have reminded me how throughout the course of my life, I have been repeatedly bombarded with questions regarding my identity and racial affiliations. Where do I see myself? Do I feel like I fit in? Isn't it difficult being mixed? Are you closer to your mother's family or your father's? Do you date Black guys or White guys? Do you have more Black friends or White friends? Do you ever wish you were one race more so than the other?

One thing I have noticed time and time again is that when I do provide my responses and they do not lead toward choosing one racial group over the other, my inquisitor becomes a bit baffled. Did I not give the answer he was expecting? Did my resistance to pigeonholing myself into one racial group not fit with the preset schema this person had regarding racial affiliations? Should I have viewed my biracial heritage as a hindrance rather than an asset?

Regarding our youth, past research has provided that children are discovering the physical differences amongst racial groups as early as four years old. While children at this age may be too young to grasp the societal hostility encountered by different ethnic groups, their awareness and comprehension of their environment is constantly being expanded. Young children are aware when they are being watched, aware when they are being loved, and aware when they are being excluded.

It is critical that we begin to examine the underlying reasons why some people may assume that biracial children will have a tougher time adjusting within society. Rather than allowing others to assume that maladjustment amongst multiracial children is inherent, we must encourage them to acknowledge that many adolescents feeling conflicted over their biracial heritage may feel this way because they are without the educational resources and environmental support to embrace a multiracial ethnicity.

It is imperative that we ask ourselves how much of our own preconceived expectations and concerns are being placed upon biracial children regarding their identity. Are we assuming that children of mixed-race are destined to feeling confused about their racial identity? Do we assume our children are too young to form opinions regarding different ethnic groups? Are our children entitled to their own views regarding racial affiliations and identity?

This last spring I had the opportunity to visit a few high school classrooms to engage in discussion about interracial relationships and the multiracial community. I realize how fortunate I was to visit with the students and learn their thoughts and concerns regarding this subject. The teachers that pushed their administration to allow such discussions to ensue are not only brave, but also responsible. They granted their students the opportunity to learn more about the multicultural society they live in.

There is a school of thought that suggests that we should shelter our children from societal problems until they are older. To some extent I agree, yet I would argue that sheltering individuals from the inevitable discussions regarding race and identity could often times cause more harm than good. Questions left unanswered can lead to confusion, frustration and misconceptions for children- regardless of racial heritage.

I realize that while being raised within a multiracial/multiethnic family may have its differences, the expectation that these differences are damaging to the psyche and subsequent ability to maintain self-esteem for multiracial individuals is unjust and speculative. The assumption that children from interracial relationships will face problems with their identity and self-esteem sets up interracial partnerships to be inherently problematic. The fact remains that there are many people from all ethnic backgrounds that encounter problems in some way or another related to their identity, and unfortunately there will always be those individuals anxious to point out those problems by labeling them as "racially determined".

Let's not get lost in the rhetoric of racial identity. But even more importantly, let's not dismiss or assume that the difficulties faced by some will be encountered by all. In the final analysis, we are all different in some way or another. Let us work together to examine which environmental factors may be causing unnecessary harm to the identity development of our youth. Let us work together toward dispelling the myth that "marginality" inevitably accompanies biracial identity.

Also by Kimberly A. Cooper:

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